Losing It

During my fifteen+ years nursing, ninety percent of my clients have fit into the demented realm. Not all nurses like to work with seniors suffering from varying degrees of dementia, but it is a preferred area of service for me - I feel like I fit in well. Not to make light of the seriousness of the disease process, it can be devastating for family members to watch their parents or other loved ones go through the changes - BUT, the senior generally does not suffer the same way. Alot of the time, the senior is quite content in a state of confusion - we use that statement in documentation, 'pleasantly confused'.

I have often told my husband that I planned on having dementia by the time I was 40years old. Well...that benchmark passed by a couple of weeks back and I'm starting to see the signs. So is my family - and I thought I was just joking!


For years I warned him that he would need to keep track of my activities for me - in case I got lost, or forgot what I was supposed to be doing. We would smile at our little joke. Well, no joke. Lately I keep losing my train of thought, not to mention pretty much any article that was in my hand a minute ago! Most definately pleasantly confused. I just wrote it off to being on summer vacation and not having a regular routine - it would be fine as soon as school started again.


Then, several weeks ago...I lost a twenty dollar bill (TWENTY DOLLARS!). I spent hours freaking out about it - days, really. For someone like me who is so cheap about spending money, losing it was horrible! (BTW, I still haven't actually confessed this to my husband - he'll read it for the first time right here)


I do know how it happened. The bill (TWENTY DOLLARS!)was in my hand while I was driving - because I was going to the store to use it. I got into the store and realized it was not in my hand anymore (did I mention it was TWENTY DOLLLARS!). I tried to give it over to the Lord. I prayed, "OK, Lord. It's your money anyway so you must have plans for it. Right?"


Over and over again I told myself that it really was God's money - as I frantically searched the car and my pockets for the bill (TWENTY DOLLARS!). Finally, I had to admit that it was gone for good. This is where I would like to say I took hold of peace about it. Nope.


I fretted inside my head constantly after that day. Every time the price of something was close to twenty dollars it would remind me of my dementia moment (TWENTY DOLLARS!). Then the Lord hammered my head with the very fact that I had been trying to grasp all along - He was in charge of the money. How did He show me? Read on...


On one of our camping trips we intended on visiting the Canadian Canoe Museum. It was the only planned stop in-town for this particular trip. We arrived and the admission price list was laughing at me with a family rate of, you guessed it, twenty dollars. The doubts and self-centred thoughts were raging in my head again. We entered the museum and the hostess at the door came over and whispered to us:


"We have a guest speaker here right now for the Liberal Party of Canada, so the you can't enter one part of the museum right now. Don't worry, you can still come in - but admission is free because of the speaker."


There was the twenty dollars back into our family funds. Just like that. I could have laughed out loud at the wonderful grace He was showing me. It was grace simply because He didn't have to show me - it is all His money. I mean, really, I'm not even a Liberal!


So there you have it. Maybe I am entering into dementia or maybe this was another way for God to show me who is in control of everything - even a twenty dollar bill. Sooner or later I hope to learn this lesson for good!