Revisiting Easter Thoughts

An old post that I still study from at this time of year:

Do You Love Me? John 21:1-18

Simon Peter was a fisherman. It had been his life's work before Jesus called him. This chapter (John 21:1-18) shows us that he and other disciples returned to that familiar lifestyle when things did not turn out as they had hoped and imagined. Jesus was their leader, their Saviour, their Christ; but, to their limited sight at that time, Jesus was dead.

Simon Peter had been so very close with Jesus. He believed he would follow Jesus to the death, if necessary (John 13:37). Instead, he had run away; he had denied Christ; he had failed.

So there they are - fishing. They had been out all night and caught nothing. Does anyone doubt they had spent those hours in misery, focusing on their failure? They couldn't even catch a fish!

And then they see Him on the beach...calling them back, giving them instructions for success. "Put the net on the other side of the boat." Imagine the grumbling! "We are professional fisherman...we have been out here all night and caught nothing...how is that going to change by moving the net?" It made no sense, but it worked. Success from simple obedience to Jesus.

How many times do we, as His children, run from Him. We return to our old lifestyles; we go back to doing things our way; we fail to follow Him and lay those old sins at the foot of the cross. OR, we lay down one sin, just to pick it back up again! I know I am guilty of this lack of faith, this lack of trust (Isaiah 53:6).

The road to spiritual success is written out clearly for us. We simply need to apply scripture to each and every part of our lives (Colossians 3:17).

1. study

2. examine ourselves

3. obey & change

4. success

Now picture yourself as Peter on the beach (vs. 15-17). "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?"

My heart breaks for Peter, who had agonized over his failures. Who had given up all his stated convictions of following Jesus only to return to his old lifestyle. "Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee." Jesus repeats his question to Peter (or imagine it is you) three times - "(Kim), lovest thou me?" And each time He asks, we remember the sins we continue to hold onto. We peek into that closet in our hearts where we think we are hiding those areas of our life that we don't want to analyze through God's eyes. We are grieved because we have returned to our old lifestyle, yet again, instead of following Christ.

He gives us simple instruction, "Feed my sheep."

We can't do Christ's work if we constantly run away from Him. We can't "catch fish" from the side of the boat we have chosen. We can't feed His sheep without a solid, constantly growing relationship with Him. We can find success ONLY in obedience to Him.

Verse 18 shows us the difference. When we were young (unsaved) we did as we wanted. Now we are old (saved, growing) and we must follow where He carries us -- where we would not go on our own.Look at each area of your life and examine it under scriptural lenses - i.e. finances, relationships, employment, health, etc.

Is your 'net' on your side of the boat(worldly)? Are you following Christ all the way to the cross? Are your repeatedly returning to your old lifestyle?

Success will come from simple obedience. Cast your net on the other side.

A Book Review 3

I just finished this tale of adventure, excitement and perseverance. I loved it!

Unsinkable, written by Abby Sunderland (with Lynn Vincent) is the story of how this remarkable young woman made an attempt to be the youngest person to ever solo circumnavigate the globe, non-stop and unassisted. She was in the news for several months during the early part of 2010 for her travels...so the ending should have been rather anti-climatic when it is a real life story - she didn't make it. However, the entire story had me reading each page with delight and feeling some of the excitement, frustration and fear that Abby describes from her travels. Cheering her on a year after her adventure was done.

As a sixteen year old, homeschooled girl there were plenty of trials with which she had to deal from the very moment she sought sponsors for her dream trip. Complete strangers who were critical of her age, her abilities, her intelligence and even her independence - accusing her parents of pushing her into a publicity stunt for money. People from all over chimed in with their expertise on sailing without acknowledging that this young woman was far from being a novice. However, Abby's expertise as sailor is evident in how much she did achieve. Her accomplishment should have silenced the naysayers, but socialists** never admit when their wrong!

Not only did I enjoy this book, I had to compete with my husband to have time to read it. He loved it, too! Next, my 11 yo daughter is looking forward to it. Admittedly, the technical terms tend to drag some of the material down, but I can highly recommend the book.

As a side note, this disclaimer was attached to the book by Booksneeze:

**This title does not contain the amount of faith-focused content as many other books offered on BookSneeze.com. If you prefer Christian Living titles featuring a large amount of faith-centered content, Unsinkable is probably not the best selection for you.

This is something that I found inaccurate. Abby and her family are professing Christians and talk about their faith openly throughout the book. It was faith for real life. Fantastic.

Disclaimer: I receive books from Thomas Nelson Publishers (Booksneeze) free of charge in exchange for my unbiased opinion of them. I am not threatened or rewarded in any way in efforts to encourage me to provide a positive review. All opinions are mine.

**socialist: someone who thinks they know what is best for everyone else, whether they know them or not; also like to call themselves experts

Regrets, I've Had a Few

Generally speaking, I don't spend alot of time fretting over mistakes. Hopefully, each time I make one (and I do make them!), I learn from them and move on. Regrets are little different.

A regret is when my mistake involves other people. That time when I should have shared more of my faith with someone, or that time when my words came out too harshly, or that time I made an excuse to avoid a time of fellowship. These are the things I regret.


Several years ago, a woman I know became stricken with cancer. It was a real nasty type, but I won't go into details here. She was someone I consider a friend although we never saw each other frequently due to the distance that seperates her home from mine. No, it isn't hundreds of miles - it was just over an hour to drive. When I heard she had become ill, I sent an email offering my help. She replied that everything was going well.


Months passed and she attended a bible study that I was also attending. We talked about her illness and treatment. Things were going well - the word remission was used. Conversation turned to husbands and kids and homeschooling, etc. It was like she had never been sick! We said goodbye that day and it turned out to be goodbye forever. That was two years ago. She died at the end of January.

Two years! Two years gone and I had never checked in with her. Two years and she went through a relapse with her cancer and fought a losing battle without my ever contacting her. I had known that relapse occurred and I had always said, "I must get hold of Miriam!" It never happened. I talked with mutual friends about taking a trip up to see her - I talked too long. Get this...she was even writing a blog about her experience and I (a blogger!) knew nothing about it until after she died.

There is no doubt in my mind that she has met her Saviour; that she certainly isn't wondering about me. This world is a distant memory for her in glory. She has no more pain, no more regrets. Yet, I had one more lesson to learn from her - don't procrastinate with the people in my life.

If your interested in reading her story (here), it is an amazing testimony for the Lord. Both in life and in death she glorifies Him. If nothing else, read the last post done by her oldest daughter. May God give my daughter the strength in faith that this young woman expresses.

The 'P' Word

Many years ago, when my husband and I were DINKS (double income, no kids) we did some unusual things. One particular event involved housing a raccoon in our home. My husband worked for a wildlife rehab and sanctuary at the time, and when they were overrun with raccoons at one point we decided to take one home and care for it. It was a baby raccoon, but she was very...um...rotund. She was given the name of Beatrice, because we thought she needed a moniker that provided some lady-like character to her. It would prove to be the only thing about her that was lady-like.

She was greedy, selfish, gluttonous and could be very nasty during her play. Oh, but she was adorable! The two dogs we had at the time did not agree with this assessment. My doberman/shepherd was a senior in age and did her best to simply ignore the intruder. This proved difficult when Beatrice would 'hunt' her in the living room. The raccoon would sneak up behind the dog, grab her backside and run away. The old dog would move to a new spot and sigh as she laid down again. This was before we owned a video camera otherwise we could have easily won the America's funniest video with this daily occurrence.

The other dog was only about 5 years old and did not have any patience for the wild rodent that had invaded her home. She was a black lab cross so these creatures were for hunting and killing as far as she was concerned. After some training, she came to realize that she was not allowed to harm this raccoon and it was a very confusing set up for her. So she came up with a solution. She moved into the closet. As soon as the racoon's cage door was opened, the Lab went to the bedroom and settled into the closet. A place of refuge and safety from the creature that she wanted to kill.

We often remember this situation when we talk about trying to avoid unpleasant things now. Laughing about how much better it would be if we could just move into the closet and ignore the unpleasantness, whatever it may be.

Well, the unpleasantness at the moment is the 'P' word. Our beautiful, almost 11 year old girl has been transformed by the 'P' word. Puberty. Lord help us!

All of a sudden there is drama everywhere. Anxiety is oozing out of her daily routine.

"What if I'm not really sorry for my sins?"; "How do I really know that God loves me?"; "How do I really know that I love Him or you?"; "Do you think boys notice me?"; "If I don't clean my room perfectly every time, is that disobedience?"

Every topic from God to boys to personal hygiene to daily chores is being questioned to death. If her father and I try to talk about anything in depth the tears start to fall. At one point, I sent her to her room for a full afternoon because I needed to breath for awhile.

I know, I know, this too shall pass. In the mean time pray for me! My patience is hanging on by a thread. My husband has moved into the closet.

Though He Slay Me... (part 2)

I was so angry with God, but afraid to say it out loud. Is it okay to angry with God? Will He strike me down if I admit it to anyone? The bible tells me in several places to 'pour out my heart', but my heart didn't have anything nice to say to Him. Why is He putting my family through this trauma? Why is my newborn son's life hanging in the balance after waiting ten years for another child?

WHY?!

My son was born on June 13th and I was having this conversation with myself in my first full shower on June 15th in the parent's room at SickKids hospital in Toronto. The neonatologist had visited us this same evening to discuss the findings of his assessments and tests so far. The doctor's best guess was that our son had suffered a stroke during birth - because he was big and came fast. The only test remaining to complete was an MRI, which would be completed that night. We would have confirmation on a diagnosis within 24 hours, but we needed to be prepared for the possibility that our baby would not breath on his own, may never walk or come out of a constant seizure state.

How does a parent sleep after a conversation such as this? I can tell you, there is no sleeping.

We could visit our boy anytime we wanted, 24hours a day. He was on such heavy medications, including three seizure drugs, that he was unconscious. The many tubes and wires that were attached to him made it difficult to touch him and he was very swollen from many needle pricks and fluids he had received. All this, and the machine doing the breathing for him, he looked more like a robot than a baby.

The next 24hour wait is very much a blur in my mind. I know I ate, because my dad and his wife came and brought food to us. I know I walked around the hospital, because I remember feeling great resentment about how cheery they had made the environment (I wanted my surroundings to be just as black as I felt). I know my husband was at my side the entire time, because I remember holding his hand almost constantly. What I don't remember is talking, or thinking, or acknowledging anything. Both my husband and I were living in a fog.

For as much as we, as parents, were being drawn through the 'valley of death', our little Duck was having a hard time, too. In some ways it was harder for her because she was not at the hospital with us. She was seperated from her entire family and had little information other than her new baby brother was very sick. We were trying to protect her from the worst, but she is far more intelligent than we were giving her credit for being - she already had started praying for a miracle.

We finally reached the next evening and the neonatologist returned to our room, bringing the social worker and the duty nurse with him. This, to me, was a sign that he wanted extra support for the negative news he was about to deliver. He drew a picture of a brain to show us what had been discovered from the tests. Our son had suffered a brain bleed in the left ventricle of his brain. The blood that had collected in the ventricle had caused the seizures and some brain damage could be seen on the wall of the ventricle.

He raised his head to look at us and said, "this is far better news than a diagnosis of stroke".

What? This is good news?

The doctor continued to explain that the bleed had stopped on it's own and the blood would also reabsorb on it's own - our bodies are made to work that way. The damage was a small area on the wall of the ventricle that may affect our boy's right sided motor skills and his vision (they know this because the brain is mapped out very well). However, because he is just newborn, there may not be any noticeable affect. As he grows and learns to grab and walk and use his right side, he may simply adapt to any weaknesses and develop normally.

Yes...this was much better news than a stroke, which would have damaged a much larger portion of his brain. The doctor smiled at us and said, "I'm glad my initial assessment was wrong."

At this point, my nurse brain snapped back on - I started asking about care plans, future therapy, reductions in medications, etc. It didn't take me long to move past the dark world that I had been living in and move to a place of hope again.

It took a little longer to reconcile my feelings toward the Lord. The prayer of thanks was immediate, but I didn't have the answer to my 'why?' question. In the end, I have concluded that we are 'vessels of clay' and He will 'have mercy on whom He will have mercy.' I serve a soveriegn God and although I don't understand the purpose in this event, I simply accept that He had a purpose - and I may never know what it was.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than you thoughts. Isaiah 55:8&9

To make the final part of the story short, our little man spent three weeks in SickKids before being transferred back to the first NICU where his seizures started. He stayed in that hospital for another two weeks and then CAME HOME! He came home with a feeding tube in place, but he was bright eyed and active. That activity has shown that his right arm and leg are strong and moving just as much as his left side!

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

I will expound on some of the details that I've skipped over here (including a commentary about why I still don't support socialized medicine). However, with a newborn boy keeping me busy at home - the posts may be slow in getting out.

Meet 'Hoss':

And the best babysitter I could ever have:

Though He Slay Me... (part one)

When expecting a child, most women daydream of the time they hold their new little one in their arms. To be able to gaze into your newborn's eyes, count ten fingers and ten toes. These anticipations are the thoughts that come at the end of a pregnancy - at least, that's where my thoughts were before June 13th of this year. My son was born that day. Just five days overdue.

I woke up at 1:30 a.m. in labour and woke the rest of my family by 2:30 a.m. to get ready to go to the hospital. After phoning the OB nurse at that same time, my water broke and we quickly headed out the door. Only a short labour period past and my son was born at 3:57 a.m. - that's only 2 1/2 hours from beginning to end. Some women with long labours may be impressed, even jealous at this expediency. Don't be, it was not a good thing.

Our handsome boy weighed in at 9lbs and 6 1/2 oz, 22 inches long. He was very bruised about his head because of the speed he came through the birth canal. Immediately, the medical staff noted that his blood sugar was too low and started the process to raise it. Their efforts did not improve the situation and within 5 hours of delivery we were transferred from our small town hospital to a more technologically advanced Neonatal Intensive Care Unit about an hour south of us. Little did we know the events that were to come.


Because my boy was in the care of a NICU with 24hour monitors and high ratio of staff to patient it was noted that he started to have seizures. In fact, the seizures became continuous to the point that he would stop breathing and require resuscitation. This is only day two of his life. Before this day was over, my son was intubated onto a full time respirator and we were being transferred to The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto with no idea why the seizures were happening or if they could get them under control. More seriously, would our son ever breath on his own again. We had only held him for a short time after his birth and I had not been able to nurse him yet.

When we arrived at SickKids hospital, we were presented with the some of the initial test results and physical assessments. They did not know why the seizures were occurring. They did not know why this baby boy would not breath on his own. They only knew that we should be prepared for the possibility of having to say 'goodbye' to our boy after only saying 'hello' a few short hours before.

This isn't how it is supposed to happen. Not only did I start sending desperate cries to God, I had so many questions as to 'why' He would allow this to happen to my family. While I am questioning Him, I'm also trying to answer my 10 year old daughter's questions that are the same as mine. 'Why, Lord, why?' I didn't have an answer for her. All we could do was cry together as a family...and wait.

I was drawn to the book of Job - here was a man who had suffered much and maintained his faith:

What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? Job 2:10b

Though he slay me, yet will I trust him: Job 13:15

Obviously, I wanted a positive ending to our trauma. I did not want to share in Job's strengths by losing my child. I did not want to say goodbye.

(more to come as I am able to write it)

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Believe it or not, this northern part of the country has only had snow (real snow) for about two weeks now. At this time, when we walk up the path to our door, the snow wall is just over three feet deep. This amount of snow, however, came in a 36 hour period - all at once. It was a tremendous storm.


No one in this area is afraid of snow - it is a part of our life for at least 8 months of the year, usually. On the days of the storm, the emergency personnel were telling everyone to stay home. "Don't bother getting into your car, you can't get anywhere." They weren't kidding. I had worked the night shift and walked home in the snow. Thankfully, the plows had cleared the sidewalks most of the way home, but there were very large drifts to climb over at some points. Some people had ignored the warning to stay home (being good northerners!), and several cars were simply abandoned in the streets where they couldn't move any further. The greatest challenge for pedestrians was the oncoming street plows spraying a wall of snow over your head!


Without worry, but not without heavy breathing, I made it home. The walk that usually takes 20-25 minutes took almost 1 and 1/2 hours! An experience, for sure.


Later in the week, with a few more flurries adding to our snow pile, I had to run some errands in town. Fortunately, we have good snow tires on our car and have been manuevering in the snow covered streets/hills well. When I left that day, I noticed that our hill was quite slushy and messy and I slid to a stop at the bottom the hill. All I could think was, "There is no way I am getting back into my driveway." With a shrug of my shoulders I said an 'off-the-cuff' comment to the Lord, "It would nice if the plow and sander came through while I'm out."


Shopping completed, not a plow seen in the entire town, I decided to take a round-about approach to home. One of the hills that runs perpendicular to our hill is much more travelled, therefore the slush and snow is cleared quicker. I decided if I climbed this hill and travelled around the block, I could approach my turn with more acceleration and hopefully get up to the driveway. As I travelled up the main street hill, I passed my street and looked up the hill - slushy and messy, no plowing done. Hope was failing.


I came around the corner and headed down the street that would bring me back to my corner. My hopes of sneaking up the hill with some extra speed came crashing down - oncoming traffic and pedestrians were everywhere - meaning I would have to come to a dead stop before I took the turn and try to make the hill. Hopeless.


Then, truly a gift from God, ten feet before I reached my turn, a plow and sander drove up my hill and cleared the way. My mouth dropped open. You must realize that this makes absolutely no sense. Our road is generally the last to be cleared and sanded. There had been main streets that were still waiting to be cleared.


Just when I think the small stuff in my life isn't important enough to lay at the Lord's feet, He hears my 'off-the-cuff' desire. Then proves, again, that He is listening.

Occupational Hazards

My doctor is mad at me. Well...annoyed is probably a better description. This is a small town and the medical community is even smaller. So my doctor and I travel some of the same circles and associate with common people. Therefore, it was only a matter of time before he heard that I was pregnant.


His receptionist called me at home to set up an initial prenatal appointment and I could hear the tone of his voice in hers. Especially when I started arguing that it wasn't necessary to come in to the office yet. At the time, I was only 8 weeks along.


It isn't that, as a nurse, I think I know everything. It's just that I see no need to have my doctor tell me what I do already know...


Prenatal vitamins: check
Monitor weight: check
Moderate exercise: check
Proper nutrition: check


Other than that, the first prenatal includes blood tests that check for pregnancy or infections and to establish my blood type. All of which I also already know. So why hurry in?


That would be my personal philosophy on all my medical needs. If I have signs & symptoms of cold or flu, I live through it without ever discussing it with my doctor. Even if unusual symptoms become part of my days, I generally ignore it and wait to see if it goes away. That is sort of how he found out about this pregnancy so early on.


For several weeks (OK, months) I was having pain just below my left shoulder. When I finally went in for an appointment, my doctor scolded me - literally. I presented weak arguments that I do take these things seriously and I do understand the possibility of potential disease, but my trust isn't in the medical sciences. My trust is in the Lord for whatever may be happening to my body.


I get a blank stare., and an order for a mammogram.


Well, by the time I got around to actually going in for the mammo, I was pregnant - which means the test cannot be completed. Then the hospital staff calls the doctor's office and tattle-tales on me, and the doctor calls me and that brings us back to the phone call.


After a lengthy discussion with the receptionist, we agreed on an appointment date after my 1st trimester was up. She probably got in trouble for letting me convince her to put it off.


Anyway, the appointment is this week (which is actually my 13th week, not quite the 2nd trimester, so I did compromise!). Now, I prepare myself for the lecture. Really, I don't think I know everything. However, I do know God is in charge. So why worry?

Not Again!

Please, no! Not another discussion on the quiverful debate. I can't take it!

Too many times this debate deteriorates into "the mom with the most kids wins", or "the more children you have the more righteous you are". Of course, if this were true, than women who have twins or other multiples would need to be praised alot more than women who give birth to one measly child at a time.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalm 127:3

Of course children are a blessing when raised in God's way. But go back to verses 1 & 2 of this Psalm. Only God can put the building in motion for an actual heritage. 'It is vain' for any of us to concern ourselves with the number of arrows in our quiver. For a 'mighty man' (specifically a godly man) can raise up and shoot off the perfect arrow with great aim - even if he only has one. The true quiverful issue lies with trusting God for the number of arrows with which He blesses the womb.

I, as a mother of one beautiful 10 year old, cannot stand the foolishness that surrounds these discussions. Whether it is people who scorn at large families with the worldly arguments of overpopulation; or those who use every scientific means possible (surgeries, medications, surrogates) to give birth over and over. It is a lack of trust that fuels each of these opposing views. A lack of trust that the Lord knows what He is doing.

I have learned that lesson of faith. I didn't have any choice, God built my faith in this area. Ten years without further children sent me to the scriptures many times! I prayed and laid my desires at God's throne, always with the understanding of "Thy will be done". There were plenty of times I considered placing my will over His - after all God allows all these medical technologies to exist - doesn't He expect us to use them? Non-christians are given babies all the time and hand them over to the prince of this world - it's only right and fair that I force my womb to produce more children for His glory. Right?

Even with all the arguments I had with myself I couldn't do it. I know it would be done for my glory - or the glory for some doctor, but not God's glory. I know that there is nothing wrong with my body that God cannot fix if that is His will.

So for ten years, I wait for an answer. For ten years God has built my trust in Him that has affected many areas of my life and can now be passed on to my daughter with confidence.

A lesson that He obviously wanted me to learn. Because now I'm 40 years old and pregnant.

That's right - no grandstanding intended. This is for God's glory! No explanation, no warning. Just pregnant. Eleven weeks today, actually. And the most excited person in the house is the 10 year big sister.

How's that for a story on the building of faith and answered prayer?

Hanging In...

I'm still here in blogland, occasionally. However, I'm doing more reading than writing this last month. It seems I am in need of some encouragement - and, I am finding it.

God is gracious with me. He has provided some encouragement in the real world, too. After my last post explaining my disillusionment with the christian people around me, one of the women at my church asked me about starting up the ladies' study. I explained that I was not looking at starting a group study, but would be happy to be part of one that someone else may want to start. After a short conversation (where my doubt believed she was looking for a way to get out of the suggestion she had made), she actually suggested a one-on-one study between the two of us.

Cool.

We are currently seeking a study that we will both enjoy sharing together - and I am looking forward to it.

There are other great things to write about - things that have kept me away from my keyboard, but I will get back in the saddle soon!

Seize the Day!

I know, I know it isn't a biblical saying. Although, I think this particular sentiment is found in scripture regularly. The prophets and apostles never ignored the opportunity to speak out for Christ's glory - and Paul wrote to several of the churches with urgency to change and grow now not later. We had a lesson in this today.


Today, we tossed school aside to take hold of an opportunity to help a complete stranger. It all started on Thanksgiving weekend when a large apartment complex near our home was on fire. It was such a spectacular sight that most of the town was out to see it - I even got Duck out of bed to walk over. Most people were there to help the more than 150 residents of the building that were soon to realize they were homeless. Not having anything to offer at that time, Duck and I went home and talked about how an event like this can show us how easily our 'stuff' can disappear but, at the same time, why we are so thankful for what we do have in this world.


Then this morning we received a phone call from a woman from our church. She was trying to get some help organized for a woman who had lived in the burned out building. Could we come down and help her clean out anything that still remained in her apartment? Absolutely!


Um...okay, maybe I didn't exactly jump at the chance...my first thought was 'what about school?' If I fall behind this early in the year, it sets a bad precedent for the rest of the year - should I really be leaving to clean out someone elses' house when I haven't done my vaccuuming yet? All these thoughts were pretty selfish, I know. My husband quickly squashed them and volunteered us all for the job. So I quickly got over it and agreed to go.


When we arrived, two teen boys from church were already carrying furniture out of the building. Our job was to wrap any ceramics, china or pack up books and clothes that survived the fire. The smell was awful and the sight of the hallway and apartments was incredible. Paint peeling off the walls, floor tiles lifts up, ceiling panels crumbled to the ground - and this was the part of the building that was not touched by fire. This was all water and smoke damage. Walking through reminded me of the conversation Duck and I had spoken on the night of the fire. We really are blessed.


I am so thankful that we could help, even in a small way. Most of all, I am thankful that when we arrived back home my husband read Matthew 25 to Duck and remind us that anything we do "for the least" is done for the glory of God. The woman we helped claims to be saved, but has limited knowledge of scripture or practical day to day living for the Lord. She likely (I didn't delve into details) lives on welfare, is a serious smoker and displayed a 'woe-is-me' attitude all day. However, with no family in the area and significant health problems, there was no way she could have recovered any belongings on her own. She was very grateful for the help - but that wasn't why we did it.

When the Son of man shall come in all his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon his throne of glory:

Add before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall seperate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

Matthew 25:31 - 34

When it comes time for the sheep to be seperated from the goats - I want to be on the sheep side of the divide! It is hard for me to leave my schedule behind, put away school and jump at the chance to help a stranger, who may or may not be thankful. Hopefully, prayerfully, God will continue to remind me why I should do it and why I should show it to my daughter.

A Generation Gap

While we were camping a few weeks ago, there were very few people in the provincial park at the same time. Travelling with another homeschool family in September generally means there are no line ups and we have the run of anywhere we go - at least on weekdays.

This past trip had one exception. Early in the week several young people arrived to camp at the park (a whole bus load). The ages seem to range from 17-25ish. Their campsites were no where near ours, but we would meet up with them at the comfort station (showers and bathrooms) and park areas. These kids were definitely rough around the edges. Tattoos, shaved heads, immodest dress and vulgarity of speech and behaviour - and that was the girls!

They were not overtly rude to us or anyone that we witness. However, none of our kids were permitted to go to the comfort station without an adult and we did look forward to them going home - partly because we like the campground to ourselves ;o)

One morning I was in washroom to dry my hair after a shower. Two of these young women (I can't bring myself to call them ladies) were sharing the counter space with me and chatting to each other. Every other word was profane, however the entire conversation was gross. One girl was complaining how her multiple sexual partners (both genders) couldn't get along with each other 'for her sake'. They also detailed the physical fight they had apparently both been involved in where they congratulated each other for the successful assault they had accomplished.

There was no attempt to hush their conversation or alter the vulgarity in anyway for the stranger standing beside them - me. This was their 'normal'. They likely knew nothing else. That's why I wasn't really offended. I was just sad. Sad for these lost little girls - because they are someone's little girls. Sad for the whole group of them because they had accepted debauchery as the way to live. It isn't likely that they were taught debauchery, it comes naturally, but they obviously did not have parents to teach them otherwise.

Than, as if on cue, Duck came running in to the washroom.

"Mommy! Daddy said he's going to take all of the girls on a morning trip to town!" referring to herself, her friend HH and HH's little sister).

Duck went on excitedly about Daddy's plan while she used the bathroom, washed her hands and left to get ready for the big 'Daddy date'.

I think at that point I wasn't the only one who felt sad. These girls had said nothing while Duck described her dad with such love and admiration. They kept silent as she gave me a big hug and a we said, 'I love you' to each other. They said nothing after Duck was gone. They packed up and smiled goodbye to me before leaving.

Maybe I'm reading too much into their silence. Likely they will make fun of the whole thing. Hopefully, they will recognize that debauchery is not the only choice in life.

Maybe Duck's natural testimony was put there for them from the Lord. I know Duck was not influenced by them - maybe they were influenced by Duck. Another reason to live out loud - someone is always watching!

A Tragic Lesson to Learn

As I just posted, we have been away on our annual camping trip with friends. Prior to leaving, Duck had to arrange for a 'hamster-sitter' for the week. Taking care of a hamster isn't hard so it was easy finding someone who would take him. The two days before we left (Thursday and Friday), both my husband and I were working the night shift so Duck was sleeping over at a friend's house. Her job on Thursday was to give the hamster cage a thorough cleaning so that the sitter didn't have to worry about it. She completed the task and we all left the house for the night.

About mid-afternoon Friday, as Duck is getting the hamster and his accoutrements ready to be delivered I get this mournful cry from her room "MOM!". Now hamsters only live 1-2 years, and Teddy Bear is over the annual mark. So right away I think she has found his little body without signs of life. Automatically I start rehearsing 'the speech' in my head about life and death. However, when I arrive at her sobbing side and she regains enough control to talk, I find out the hamster is not dead. The hamster is missing. When she had cleaned the cage the day before, she had left a door open.

Keep in mind that we had been out of the house all night. The hamster had the run of the house, along with the dog.

A frantic search began, without a lot of hope. When I could get away without too many questions, I went out to check dog poop. Yes, I checked dog poop. No fur or bones, that was a good sign. The dog was not showing signs of indigestion either. Also a good sign.

After almost an hour of fruitless searching, I sat down with Duck for a hard talk. The hamster was likely gone for good. Even if he was still alive in the house, he was curled up somewhere sleeping at this time of day. Then we talked about the error she had made by leaving the door open. Duck has been in a phase of life lately that has shown a lack of diligence. This situation was bringing that fact out to the forefront. A very hard lesson to learn.

We set out traps for the hamster that night, as we were all out of the house again. A hamster trap is the use of deep pots or buckets with a ramp for the hamster to get into the pot, but not be able to get out - fill the pot with food and a water dish to lure him into the trap.

Saturday morning...no hamster. We were leaving at noon for the camping trip. More tears. Duck was in her room crying out to the Lord (a blessing to hear even during this hard lesson). She wasn't just asking for Him to bring back the hamster, she was asking Him to help her learn greater diligence and gave thanks for having the hamster in the first place. Sigh! If I could have pulled a hamster out of thin air for her at that point, I would have done it. But God knew best.

As we were packing the car, our downstairs neighbour happen to be outside and I mentioned that Duck's hamster may find his way down to his apartment. I wasn't telling him so he could set out traps or anything - there is a dog and a cat in the downstairs apartment. I just wanted him to know where it came from if he did find a body. We did leave the traps out in our place with extra food and water. The final signs of hope for a return.

We left for camping and all the kids from our friend's family were told of the tragedy - and asked not make fun of it. Duck was really hurting when the topic came up. However, as hours and days past, she talked little about it and had fun on her trip.

Nine days later, we arrive home and find empty traps.

'OK, Ducky. It's time to clean up the traps and say goodbye to Teddy Bear for good.' Teary eyes, but no sobbing anymore.

We are still unloading and unpacking when there is a knock at the door. The downstairs neighbour knocks on the door. He smiles as he holds out a large spaghetti pot,

"I thought you would like to try some of the sauce I made this week"

Now, I like my neighbour well enough, but we do not have the kind of relationship where we share recipes. I look in the pot and there is Teddy Bear. Dirty with a funny blue colour to his head fur, but it is Teddy Bear. The neighbour found him the day after we left for camping and had been taking care of him all week. I thanked him profusely! And took the pot.

When Duck looked into the pot, the tears returned. Happy ones this time.

It is a minor miracle that this animal is now back in his cage (and he was happy to be back!). We don't know where the blue colour on his head came from and he has spent several days cleaning himself, but the lesson learned in all this is irreplaceable.

Maybe my emotional side wanted to solve the problem for Duck by just giving back the hamster (I even thought about buying a new one that looked the same and slipping into the traps). But God knew where the hamster was all along and what His plans were for the whole event. Just as scripture talks about His care of the sparrows, He cared for this hamster, too. All for helping a little girl grow in her faith and in her fruits of the Spirit. Duck is actively working on her diligence.

My faith has been increased, too. Nothing like a reminder from God, Himself to trust Him in all things. Even if the hamster had never returned, we would have studied how He takes care of all His creatures. Now we can study it with a Teddy Bear curled up in his little cage.

Weirdo

When it comes to my workplace, I am a bit of an outcast. Not in the sense that I am treated poorly, but I definately do not fit in, either. Grumble sessions about the workplace end quickly when my opinion is sought - me not being much of a union supporter...or much of a grumbler. Man bashing sessions are squashed when I hold my husband out as an example of positive manhood. Like I said, outcast.


Then the other day one of my co-workers noticed the book I just started to read, "What He Must Be...if he wants to marry my daughter" by Voddie Baucham.


"Do you really think you can control your kid like that?"


me: "well, it's more about teaching her to have standards for marriage."



"No way! You can't control who she falls in love with - that's crazy."


I carried on the conversation explaining that if we accept emotional responses to situations as solid reasoning than every pedophile has a reason for what they do - if they claim to be 'in love'. I talked about teaching our kids to make decisions with their brain rather than emotions. The ideals of what marriage is will come from somewhere, whether it is from peers or media based entertainment...neither of which will teach kids logically never mind biblically!


By having both sons and daughters recognize their value in Christ and have non-negotiable standards for future relationships/marriage, then they are alot less likely to end up dealing with teen pregnancy or STDs that haunt them for the rest of their lives; they are alot less likely to give themselves away to the first person who pays any romantic attention to them; alot less likely to feel like being single is a failure and settle for less than God's BEST.


At which point in the conversation I realize my co-workers are staring blankly at me and you can hear the sound of crickets in the room - no doubt they are thinking, 'weirdo'.

Still...I'm OK with that. After all, we are called to be peculiar people for God! ;o)

Prime Time Church

Did you know that Oprah has her own church? As I understand it, She was listening to a sermon one day and the pastor was talking about God being a 'jealous God' (Exodus 20:5). Oprah apparently didn't like this description and blamed it on the religion's interpretation. Like so many people over the ages, the one true God didn't fit into her ideals and opinions of what is right.


So she started her own church - because her god is a god of love. Her god is accepting and tolerant of different people's lifestyle choices. Her god is not God.


When God describes Himself as jealous, it is not negative. In fact, He is talking about the very basis of the first two commandments:

Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. Exodus 20:4a

God doesn't approve of His children turning our hearts away from Him to anything else. It isn't hard for our small minds to grasp this aspect of God. Let's consider it in temporal terms.


Oprah has alot of dogs, she is an animal lover. One time when she arrives to her country home, she find that the next door neighbour has left a note stating that the fence between their properties has a hole in it and the dogs have been coming over to her property everyday. Oprah apologizes and promises to repair the fence ASAP - but wait, the neighbour likes the dogs and says there is no need to hurry with the repair. The neighbour has made a habit of feeding the dogs treats and encourages them to visit. The dogs are at the neighbour's house everyday, most of the day and Oprah has to go to get them. They no longer return home on their own and the treats that the neighbour is feeding them are giving them foul gas and causing some vomiting. Oprah asks the neighbour to stop feeding them and the neighbour just smiles and says 'it is only a little treat, they like it'. Oprah get the fence repaired, but finds it knocked down again and the dos over at the neighbour's house. The vet bills are piling up and the repairs on the fence are weekly. Worst yet, the dogs seem to prefer the neighbour over her. There may be room for several emotions in this situation but jealousy is likely one of them. Those are HER dogs.


We, as God's children are not unlike those dogs. Easily enticed to wander from our home (the path of righteousness); attracted to things or people that are not good for us; sinfully and selfishly seeking out other gods to serve and be served by. Of course the Lord is a jealous God. We are HIS children.


Obviously in an understanding of God's sovereignty, I believe that those who are entice away permanently through vain doctrines are like waves upon the sea (tossed to and fro Ephesians 4:14). They were never really part of the kingdom in the first place.


The key for those of us who are truly His children is to constantly be wary of anything that is taking us away from God. Satan is very good at this tactic - we need to listen to the Spirit and wrap ourselves in the Word. Otherwise, we could end up joining the church of Oprah.

For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,

Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

2 Timothy 3:2 - 7 (emphasis mine)

How to Hate a Calvinist

I have to admit, that for the longest time I did not know what 'Calvinist' meant. The closest thing to the term for me was a cartoon character, Calvin & Hobbs, which I always loved to read - so was I a Calvinist? However, the term was used in several church circles when I was a new Christian - these people didn't strike me as cartoon people. When they used the term it was generally being negative - sort of like spitting. Eventually, I started asking questions. The answers were pretty vague and used word like 'heresy' and 'zealots'. A summary of a conversation went like this:

"Well, the Calvinist doctrine states some very dangerous theology."

Me: "Like what?"

"A big one is total depravity of man. They believe we cannot choose (big emphasis on this word - stretch out the oooo) to receive salvation."

Me: "Oh, but you don't believe that?"

"NO (raise voice here), God gives everyone the opportunity to be saved. Then we can cho(oooo)ose to receive salvation or not."

Me: "Why would anyone choose not to receive salvation?"

"I don't know, but the point is we are given the choice - we're not robots being programmed by God."

There seemed to be great vehemence for this doctrine, but very little discussion as to why it was wrong. It was just wrong. Anyone who followed it was ignorant, arrogant or abhorrent.

Well...I've never been much of a bandwagon person. In anything from fashion and trends right through to my growing faith, the bandwagon wasn't an attractive place for me. Quite frankly, anything that is presented by people as THE only way brings instant suspicion to my mind.

Why is this doctrine wrong? Where in scripture is it outlined as heresy? Where did the doctrine come from? Who is John Calvin? Does he know Hobbs?

The more questions that I asked the more it became that obvious I would have to find out on my own (actually, I am blessed with a husband who avoids the bandwagon, as well, and had just as many questions). I looked at both sides of the debate. Turns out the Doctrines of Grace, a.k.a. the 5 points of Calvinism, make for enlightening reading. Calvin, himself comes across as a no-nonsense type of fellow. He doesn't pad the truth to make it soft. I liked it. I understood it. It opened up a greater relationship with the Lord.

Yes, I am a Calvinist. However, I don't generally introduce myself this way. My church does not have a banner over the entrance that says 'Armenianists stink!'. But, there is no denying that the Doctrines of Grace have lead me to serve the Lord in ways I never did before, because I understand and am humbled by the love Lord has shown me.

I know I was blind and He gave me sight: And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16 (emphasis mine)

I know I was dead and He gave me life: And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins. Ephesians 2:1 (emphasis mine)
Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) Ephesians 2:5 (emphasis mine)

I know I was not capable of choosing righteousness while happily wallowing in my sin. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. Romans 8:30

I know He had to drag me kicking and screaming from the life I lived for me, to a life for His Son to live through me. Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will? Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why has thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour? Romans 9:19-21

My husband has an analogy for the term 'receiving' salvation - if we receive a beating, it isn't something we ask for! However, we have received it nonetheless. Our salvation is completed in the same manner - against our sinful desires.

Does that make me a heretical zealot who lives as a robot under God? I can live with that. For eternity.

How do you hate a Calvinist? Jump on the bandwagon, you'll have lots of company!

Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple. Romans 16:17&18

Staying Out of His Way

It isn't easy being a woman.

There was a time when that meant alot of wordly issues to me. Raised by a feminist, I believed that I, as a woman, would never be given a fair chance. That I would have to work twice as hard, and achieve twice as much to be given half the 'success' that my male counterparts would experience. To say that I bought into it hook, line and sinker would be an exaggeration; but, I believed that I alone would have to make things happen for a happy, successful life. What I gleaned from the feminist mantra was that I could trust no one, depend on no one and expect nothing from those around me. I - was - it. Hence the makings of a control freak.

Even after I was saved, my need for control was immense. This is not to say I didn't confess a recognition of God as soveriegn - I just wanted to keep that soveriegnty in a little box. Even my husband suffered through the times when I 'knew' I was right and everybody else was wrong. For instance if my husband was working outside of God's will, I took the opportunity to teach him my opinion(how many times have I seen other women doing the same thing with their husbands!). We, as women, need to learn to get out of God's way to see His power in our lives. After many years, I think I finally get it. John the Baptist helped me with this little tidbit:

He must increase, and I must decrease. John 3:30

So the wisdom I follow now is much, much different - but it is still a struggle for me to ignore my old teachings. Although I am not a biblical scholar by any stretch of the imagination, my Lord is patiently showing me truth.

And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness of God by faith; Philippians 3:9

How can I claim any kind of growth in my faith by trying to do it myself. My faith came from God and only He can cause it to grow - if I get out of the way and watch Him work!

That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Ephesian 4:22-24

I picture this in simple terms. When Christ came into my heart, he only needed to have a crack in the door to enter. As I grow in my faith and understanding of how to give Him my 'all', I need to throw open the door and step out of the way. If anyone around me is outside of God's will, I can encourage them to turn back, I can even lead by example if it is a peer, but I can't change them. Trust me, nagging and manipulating may get the outcome we as women desire, but it doesn't lead anyone to the Lord. I have learned that the best way to allow God to do the work, is to shut my mouth and concentrate on my own walk of faith. Try it, I recommend this technique highly! The results are nothing short of miraculous.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHTEOUS IN GOD'S EYES, but Christ can through me - through any Christian. All we need to do is stay out of his way.

Choosing the Best, part 3

Picking back up on the series of 'what if' questions that always seem to come up when the topic turns to women staying at home to be full time wives and mothers. We started here by looking at the idea of daughters being raised to see this choice as God's BEST. Now, we have moved into to talking about women who are already married and making decisions about staying at home:


Fourth question...what if the debt load is too high for one income? Well, that didn't happen by accident, did it? Absolutely take responsibility for debt that has been incurred in past times - but changing to a frugal lifestyle will show a walk toward God's BEST for the family. Our family is in this situation right now. I work part time as a nurse to pay off the debt that my husband and I incurred in the first part of our marriage. Keep in mind that my previous full time income was almost twice what my husband makes working full time now. But, since making the decision to seek God's BEST for our family, we have paid more than $28,000 off (some of it was simply removed by the grace of God!) in only 5 years! With just $14,000 left to go, my work time outside of the home is lessening every year. God has been gracious in this area by giving my husband a job that is flexible for scheduling and giving me a job that I can pick and choose my shifts. These two things make sure that homeschool is not affected and that one of us is home with Duck at all times - no need for babysitters. Blessings always follow when we seek out God's BEST for our lives. Why should we believe the blessings will come?

If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.

John 7:37b & 38 (emphasis mine)

Last question...what if a woman is in an abusive situation? Get out. Take the kids and get out. God's authority structure does not include abuse of any kind. However, seek your heart for the truth first. Physical abuse is an obvious reason to leave, but emotional and verbal abuse are slippery ones. There are times that I have been guilty of emotionally and verbally abusing my husband! Sometimes, as wives, we must suffer under the persecution of our husbands who have yet to follow God's BEST for their role in the marriage. By challenging ourselves as wives to be a biblical woman, God can change your husband.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand. Ephesians 6:13 (emphasis mine)

There are probably several more 'what if' questions that come up when discussing a woman's decision to stay at home, whether married or single. The ones that I did bring up in this series are the ones that come up most frequently among my community of friends and acquaintances and strangers. I do know that the decision to be wives and mothers at home, to make that a plan for the future when still single, has to be a conviction with solid biblical grounding. A woman without the conviction will find it is only a matter of time before the 'what if' arguments break down any shallow decisions and home life will never be good enough for her.


Just today as I was looking for a way to wrap up this series, Duck and I were picking wild raspberries. We were hindered by bees, thorns, heat and thick brush. All these hindrances were a perfect example of what living lives as women of conviction is like - there will always be something or someone that is intent on pushing us away from following the BEST path that God has for us. However, perseverance, patience and trust in God will always end in blessing - in this case by working past the bees, thorns, heat and thick brush we filled a basket full of raspberries!

So let me repeat my conviction from the first installment on this series - God's BEST path for every woman is to be a wife and mother. Period. Spare me the 'what if' arguments and show me the scripture!

Choosing the Best, part 2

The first part of this discussion can be read here.

We're continuing to look at the 'what if' questions that always seem to come up when the topic turns to women staying at home to be full time wives and mothers. First we are covering the idea of daughters being raised to see this choice as God's BEST:

Second question...what if the girl never finds a spouse that meets her standards for marriage and stays single? Oh, boy...has this been on my mind! There are very few choices available at this point in time for the young, single women that I know. However, dropping scriptural standards just for the sake of being married is not God's BEST. A woman who remains single should still be prepared for marriage and children - we can never know when God will send the husband He has prepared for her. If a husband is never found, a woman's life can still be full by working with other woman and helping in their families; by serving in great ways within a church structure; by standing firmly on her conviction of purity as a testimony to her trust in God. Yes, it would be hard. Yes, it would be worth it! James knew it:

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

James 1:2-4 (emphasis mine)

And when it gets really hard to keep focused on serving others (your own family, church families or God, himself) meditate on Psalm 37:

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him:

Psalm 37:3-7a (emphasis mine)

Lets move into the questions about those of us who are already wives and SAHMs. This next one seems to me to be a short answer:

Third question...what if a SAHM and wife were to become a widow at a young age? So be it. Nothing (NOTHING) happens in this life that is not allowed to happen by the Lord. The possibility that a husband dies early is not something on which to base decisions. Trust God, for He wants what is BEST for you! Churches, as a whole, are commanded to take care of the widows and orphans within their congregations. All the more reason to seek out a local church to build into your family!

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8&9

The key to this question is recognizing that God would not have us live with any fear of the future - leave those plans to Him and simply live for His BEST.

...to be continued...

Choosing the Best

I always enjoy reading blog posts and comment threads for the purpose of challenging my own thinking. When I read other people's thoughts (whether they match mine or not) it can give me cause to study scripture to ensure my convictions are on solid ground. Generally, I end up posting on the same topics, but use my blog to give extensive answers to questions or challenges that were posed somewhere else in blogland. This particular post kept growing in size, so I have split it into three parts (so far!). I hope everyone will chime in with their thoughts:

There is no doubt that the secular worldview is that every family should be a two income family. If a woman is not working and building her career there must be something wrong with her - she's lazy - or she's being held back by her husband and children, etc. In the end, the current culture believes a woman who is a housewife and stay-at-home-mom is missing out on her full potential. Sometimes the christian realm isn't much different when weighing in on this topic. The questions about women staying at home, or daughters being raised with this future plan, almost always turns to the 'what if'.

What if...
- your daughter never marries,
- your husband were to pass away,
- that woman really is in an abusive situation,
- that young girl wants to go to college and have a career,
- the family has a debt load greater than the husband's salary?

God's BEST path for every woman is to be a wife and mother. Period.

This isn't something that is repressive or subjugating. It is a freeing and edifying role. Let me tell you why I believe this:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: And he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:22&23 (emphasis mine)

Obeying God is never wrong and never degrading. He built this relationship into marriage as a protection for women. We are first under the protection of our fathers, then that responsibility is passed onto our husbands.

First question...what if the father is not a strong christian(or not a christian at all) who will take the responsibility to heart? This happens - we live in a sinful world and there are no guarantees that those around us will follow God's BEST. The key for young girls in this situation is to honour their earthly father without dishonouring our heavenly Father. If 'dad' says his daughter could or should date (or most often heard, doesn't care!), the daughter needs to purpose in her heart to seek God's BEST for this area of her life. Dating is 'normal' and easy and even fun - but it is not God's BEST for a single girl. If 'dad' does not actively support following a courtship model to marriage, there will likely be a pastor who can counsel the young girl during her single years. Regardless, young women cannot use those around them as an excuse to ignore God's BEST.

But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's meat, nor with the wine which he drank: Daniel 1:8 (emphasis mine)

Daniel was a young man and alone in a strange land. He could have joined the crowd and defiled himself to please his captor - and used the excuse that he was alone. He had no support for any 'old' beliefs. Instead, he stood firm on convictions for his relationship with God and chose to follow the BEST path that God had for him. Taking the stance that 'it is just too hard' to seek God's BEST in the area of purity during single life is a telling sign about the anyone who speaks these words. The key to this 'what if' questions is this - what has been purposed in the heart? Anything?

...to be continued...