Friday, July 3, 2009

Laughter Relieves Stress

This is for Kelly and her husband who had a very negative interaction with Canadians recently. Happy July 4th! (be careful, Kelly, uncontrolled laughter could induce labour!)

Imagine you're walking down a deserted street with your wife and small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities , praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you. You are carrying a legal, registered Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

With mere seconds before he reaches you and your family, what would you do?

DEMOCRAT ANSWER:

Well, that's not enough information to make a decision.
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Why do I have so many children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me while my family gets away?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise the taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour!
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a concensus.

REPUBLICAN ANSWER:

BANG!


REDNECK's ANSWER:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click!
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one, Dad?"
Wife: "You're not planning on hanging that on the wall, are ya'?"
Okay, what category do you fit into?!

2 comments:

Word Warrior said...

Kim,

LOL! You're too much! So sweet of you to post this "tribute" and we fit nicely in the redneck category, btw. ;-)

Mrs. Parunak said...

I second Kelly's LOL! I think we're pretty much rednecks in a lot of ways, but I don't honestly know if we've really resolved the question of whether we would use lethal force in SELF defense. We would in the defense of others, though. Funny, though the story is, when you live out in the country like we do, with one sheriff's deputy assigned to miles and miles of land, you do think about these things from time to time.