Friday, January 15, 2010

Living on 'Time'

I'm not really a fan of Oprah. She certainly seems to be a nice woman with her heart set on helping people. Just helping in a temporal, worldy sense vs. an eternal and biblical sense. It's just that the few times I catch parts of her talk show, I'm left with a feeling of frustration in the 'help' she does offer.

The other day I was folding laundry and clicked on the TV for a little side entertainment - and there she was with her concerned expression for her guest. The woman sitting with her was describing how she had been living a fairytale life on Park Avenue with her investment banker husband and 3 kids with gala dinner parties among their affluent friends. Until one day she found her husband preparing a noose for himself in the middle of the night. She stated that it was only at that moment that her husband confessed that he had been indicted by the feds for fraud and was going to jail that very morning. Up to that point, as they talked over the noose, the guest stated that she had had no idea that there was anything wrong (oh, except her suspicions of her husband's marital affairs that she chose to ignore to keep the peace in their marriage).

Oprah: "So, how did you become so oblivious to these events with your husband?"

HMMM...because she chose to ignore those signs of trouble, just like she chose to ignore the affairs?

Or, because she was completely wrapped up in the parties and shopping and didn't really care to know any details?


Apparently, the reason she was taken so much by surprise was because she was "in the fog of motherhood".


Did she just say motherhood makes you stupid?

In fact, that was exactly what she was saying.

As she continued to talk, I stopped folding laundry. It seems because she had her 3 kids so close together, she ended up "surrendering" her independent, educated self to become "foolishly" dependent on her husband.

I don't want to shock anyone, but I have a different theory on what happened in this situation. Let's call it the credit vs. cash theory for marriage and life.

We have all heard how people have sunk in debt because they chose to live on credit. All the "experts" have taken up news time to explain the benefits of only using cash for purchases - getting rid of credit and debit cards in order to live on actual income, rather than borrowed. It's amazing to me that these experts spent so much time in school to learn this radical way of thinking. (Matthew 18:25)

This same cash vs. credit theory works for marriage and life, too. If we look at this woman's life, she enjoyed the perks of her Park Avenue lifestyle, however talked of nothing as far as a relationship with her husband (outside of the suspected affars). She like living on 'credit' - the image of having it all and the outside appearance of being affluent, whether she was actually affluent or not. She never really wanted to live on 'cash' for her life and marriage. Looking at the 'cash' - the reality - would mess up her image of herself. It isn't that she "surrendered" her independence to her husband in a loving, trusting marriage. She surrendered any wisdom she may have had for folly. (Proverbs 1:7 & 22)

Admitting that fact would be accepting true fault in the situation. Blaming the "fog of motherhood" removes personal blame a step away - "if only I wasn't a mother, I would have known what was happening". Certainly true motherhood takes up your day - and there are times when a mother may feel disorganized & disconnected. However, not to the extent of ending an active relationship with our husbands.

Of course, Oprah explained all this to her guest. NOT. Their discussion ended with how the woman got her life back by rejoining the workforce. Oh, yeah and dumping that awful husband.

Motherhood on the backburner. Marriage forgotten. A perfect life for an independent educated self - at least in the "fog of Oprahland".


Mrs. Parunak said...

That's a fascinating analogy! I think it makes a lot of sense.

Holly said...

ugh. How did you get thru that show without vomiting? LOL I totally agree with your analysis. Holly

Janet said...

Well said, Kim. I'll be sending a link to this post to my friends and family.

Lori said...

Isn't she retiring from on-air time? And not a decade too soon.